Muslim Ladies and Premarital Romance

“I am no more interested in him, sir. I will have to consider another suitor,” said a lady-client. “Could you please be specific, dear sister? What is it that he’s not doing, or that he’s not doing right?” I probed.

“He’s a good man, I must confess. With the little time spent together, he had shown that he would make a responsible husband. In fact, from the little he has, he gives, even when not asked. But marriage, you will agree with me, sir, is beyond being generous,” she dillydallied.

“Good to hear this, and I appreciate you for the sincerity. But you still haven’t answered my question. Why did you get pissed off in the relationship? Why do you want to leave a generous, responsible man?” I repeated.

“OK, sir. Imām, the guy is not romantic at all.” “Go ahead.” “That’s it; he’s not romantic, and I don’t think I can cope with an unromantic partner. Honestly, the relationship is boring, and it’s been as such from start.”

“I think you have a point there, a good one for that matter. But if I may ask, how do you want him to be romantic so I can tell him? I promise, he will change.” “Ha! Sir?” “Yeah, I will tell him. It’s a promise.” “I don’t really know, sir. But I doubt he will change. He is kind of conservative.” “Don’t worry. Just tell me what you want.” “I don’t really know, honestly, but he’s not romantic sha.” “He doesn’t call you?” “He does, but it’s once in a while.” “Like how many times a day?” “Like two times or once.” “Is that not enough?” “No, it’s not!”

“How many times do you want then?” “I don’t really know, but once or twice isn’t just OK for me. You should understand na, imām.” “Do you call him too?” “Yes, I do, even though he should be the one calling me.” “So, when you guys talk, what do you discuss?” “Our welfare.” “And you think two-time call isn’t enough for that?” “Imām, you’re digging too deep o.” “No, I just wanted to be sure so that I guide you properly.” “OK, sir.”

Many a lady has had their relationships ended on the grounds that their would-be husbands weren’t romantic. Romance – intimacy, unrestricted togetherness etc. – no doubt, is key in marriage, but there obviously is limit to it until the conjugal knot is tied. What kind of intimacy will a man and a lady who are not yet married be having together? Our brethren seem to understand ‘all’ about Islām except this, and our sisters seem more guilty. I guess that’s why their definition of romanticism is ‘offside’.

Cases of would-be couples who ended up fornicating with each other on account of this boundless romanticism abound. They apparently didn’t intend to have carnal knowledge of each other, but their unIslãmic intimacy emanating from indiscriminate calling, chatting, messaging etc. brought about the avoidable blunder. Nikāh done with hidden pregnancies is another phenomenon that has had its ugly head reared with some. Hmm! Those who didn’t fornicate never escaped sexting (or Sex-chatting).

You don’t have a frequent call with someone you have a romantic feeling for without thinking of yourself on or under him/her. This is why the call or chat should be reduced to the bearest minimum.

I got you, right? That is what you do under jilbāb, right? I know your conscience will be pricking you as you read this. Is that not the reason you are no more a virgin? Was that not the reason you didn’t marry a virgin? Go and repent before you are repelled.

Sanni Kay Yūsuf writes from Lagos, Nigeria.