Managing Marital Discords: The essay is an excerpt from a lecture given by Shaykh Doctor Lukmaan Idris Sekoni (Hafidhahu Llāhu wa ra’āh).
How A Discord Can Materialize From The Wife In An Household
Allah says in His Glorious Book: ((As for your women whom you fear transgression from, advise them, then desert their beds, then discipline them. But if they obey you, seek no way against them. Allah is sublime, great))[An-Nisaa (11)] In this verse, it can be deduced that Almighty Allah attributes “Nushūz” with females as if there isn’t from the males’ side, whereas, there is. But majority are stemmed from the females’ side. Among the manifestations of disobedience in a woman are;
• That a woman disobeys her husband’s command and disagrees with him vehemently on his command which Allah has made obligatory upon her. According to the Islamic scholars, the duties Allah has made compulsory on a wife that if neglected by her would make her disobedient, are three:
1- Her duties to fulfill to the religion of Allah. The ones Allah has made obligatory on her to fulfill towards His Deen. And if neglected, the husband must caution her. Like, the five daily canonical prayers, refusing to use the legislated Hijāb, intentionally neglecting fasting in the month of Ramadaan etc
2- Her duties that must be fulfilled towards her husband. Like, refusing sexual relation with her husband without any legitimate excuse. This kind of woman would be regarded as a “Nāshiz”.
3- Refusal to seek her husband’s consent or ask for his permission before going out. This type of woman is also considered disobedient because it is among the duties of a woman to seek her husband’s consent before leaving the house.
Also, all the duties Allah has legislated upon a woman to be fulfilled towards her husband, once neglected, would be considered a disobedient wife. And among them is a wife totally resolving not to go on a journey with her husband when he wishes so because, among the rights of the husband over her wife is to order her to set out on a journey he wished to embark on with him.
For this has been exemplified by the Prophet (Salla Llāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam), when he would take any of his wives on a journey even to the war. Or, perhaps they were both on a journey and the husband wishes to return home but the wife refuses to return with him. In any of these cases, a woman found wanting would be regarded as a “Nāshiz/Nāshizah”.
Reasons/Causes Of Disobedience In A Woman
• Marrying a woman for other reasons and not on the basics of her religion. Such women would become utterly disobedient once they get to their husbands’ houses. The Prophet has said; “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, that you may prosper”.
In lieu of this, many of the females who see nothing bad in being disobedient were not married because of their religiosity. Will a woman who doesn’t recognize Allah be appealed with the mention of His name?
• Not being pleased with each other; once either of the party is not pleased with the other, there would surely be absence of attraction between them. Small things would quickly be blown out of proportion because of lack of love between them. Allah says; ((…then marry the women of your choice-two, or three, or four. But if you fear that you will not be fair, then one, or what you already have. That makes it more likely that you avoid being biased))[An-Nisaa (3)]
Any situation where there is no mutual attraction between spouses, there would most probably be occurrence of frequent disagreements.
• When a wife considers herself to be superior than her husband, be it because she is older than him or by wealth or her family background. All these are root causes of marital discord from the woman’s side especially if she is not righteous.
• Whenever a woman is far from Islamic lectures, remembrance of Allah and seeking the knowledge of Islaam, she would exhibit acts of disobedience towards her husband which is among the principal causes of marital dispute.
• Also, among the causes of a woman’s disobedience is when the husband wants to marry an additional wife. There are some wives who were submissive to their husbands but once the trial of polygyny comes, they become uncontrollably rebellious. All these are among the causes of “An-nushūz” from the wife to her husband.
How To Resolve The Discord That Occurs From The Wife
• The right of reforming the wife is conferred with the husband by the Islamic law when she becomes rebellious. Allah says; ((Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all )) [An-Nisaa 34] This indicates that, reforming, disciplining and managing the affairs and welfare of the wife is handed over to the husband.
Shaykhul-Islam Ibn Taymiyah ( May Allah be merciful upon him) in his Majmū’ul Fataawah said; “When a lady has been given in marriage to a man, the husband has more rights over her even more than her parents”.
All the affairs of a woman is in the hands of her husband. This shows the significance of the status of a husband. And the Shari’a has analyzes this even before a lady is given out in marriage. And that is why the Waliyy (Guardian) of a lady must be conscious of who he gives his daughters out to in marriage. The duty of a Waliyy is to marry his daughter off to someone who is capable of managing her religious and general life affairs. And the Prophet (Salla Llāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has said in this regard: “ There is no marriage except with the presence of her guardian”.
Guardianship is not just a title but the person must be a legally responsible person, be reasonable/sensible so as to know the importance of marriage, knows that which will benefit his daughter in the aspect of her religion, hereafter and her living. These are indicators that will direct him to marry his daughter off to a worthy and well-deserved man. AbduLlah bn Abbās said with respect to the sayings of the Prophet in «Sunanul Kubraah»; “There is no marriage except with the consent of a responsible guardian”.
The guardian must have it in mind that, he is marrying his daughter to someone who would take over from where he stopped and is capable of managing her overall affairs. The Shari’a asserts the fact that, a Waliyy must understand the Deen and know very well the suitable place for his daughter to experience utmost benefit in this life and hereafter.
It is however disheartening seeing some guardians marrying their daughters off for just their worldly gain and not prioritizing or putting her interest and her hereafter into consideration. A reasonable guardian is one who would give her daughter to someone that would help manage her religious and worldly affairs. Who would caution her when she wants to disobey Allah’s ordainments and defiles her husband’s command. This is why the Shari’a vested this right with the husband.
To Be Continued, In Shaa Allah!.
Related:
Editors’ Picks
DONATE
https://selar.co/1rqb
For Advert Inquiries
Tele/+234 7036309859
E-mail: themuslimvoiceng@gmail.com
For News/Article
E-mail: themuslimvoiceng@gmail.com
