My In-laws And My Marriage, By Haj Saeed H. Jallo

“If you marry me, know that I can’t stand your people. Make sure I’m not close to them. We have our differences. They are your family, and not mine.” She tells him before marriage.

Wow!

Is this an African woman?

Milady, if this is your position before marriage, then I’ll advise you look for either an American or European for a spouse, because in Africa you become part of your husband’s family after marriage. Same with him.

Inasmuch as our society recognizes that you have your life to live outside the domain of family, you can never leave your husband’s family (and yours) out of the equation.

Marriage in Africa is a contract that brings the family of both side of the couple together. These family members are the ones that sit and ensure the two of you can live together as man and wife.

Do not forget, relatives can make or mar your marriage, so if you know what is good for you, make provisions for them in the family.

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However, that is not to say they have every right to poke their nose (and mouth) into the marriage. They have their lane, and thus do not have to wander into yours.

My mom, Hajia Husaina had a wonderful relationship with my wife. They chatted, gossiped (about me), and lives like mother and her daughter. And they both loved me to the core.

If a couple work their way well, they can create an avenue for in-laws and live happily together.

There is this case that came to me in the office – a very serious one as such. This couple were living so beautifully, apparently head over heels in live with each other. However, their relationship was marred by the wife’s unwritten law.

Whenever her sisters visit her, they are given access to every corner and crevice of the home. They can open the fridge and consume whatever they feel to. They can even enter the bedroom and use the washroom. They actually have access to everything in the place. And the husband never complained, because they are his wife’s family.

His sisters on the other hand were not that fortunate. They can’t attempt to open the fridge,let alone pick a satchet of water. If they need to drink, they must ask for it so the wife provide it for her. Their boundary was the hall, they can go no further than that.

This issue came to me when the husband raised issues and threatened to divorce her for treating his sisters as strangers in his own home! He does not understand why he respects and welcomes her people but she rather despises his.

She was so ashamed when this issue came to me. But fortunately we solved it, and they are living nicely with all the happenings behind them.

So, as Africans, we cannot do away with the family of our spouses. Let’s accommodate them,treat them with respect and live nicely together as one big bang of a family.

The whites do not recognize in-laws as part of the family because the two can just get up and get married without the involvement of their respective families. The following day they come, and grinning, inform family, “We got married yesterday”.

That’s normal with them, but not so with us.

Haj Saeed H. Jallo is the founder of Tawheed Development Foundation. He writes from Takoradi, Ghana.